Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Review

This is a NON-Spoiler review for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

Plot Summary: "Three years after the destruction of the Jurassic World theme park, Owen Grady, and Claire Dearing return to the island of Isla Nublar to save the remaining dinosaurs from a volcano that's about to erupt. They soon encounter terrifying new breeds of gigantic dinosaurs, while uncovering a conspiracy that threatens the entire planet."

I am not the worlds biggest Jurassic Park fan. I think the first movie is awesome. I don't think there's anything wrong with the movie. I just personally have not been as drawn to it as much as I am to other Spielberg movies. I think The Lost World is okay. And Jurassic Park III is still the worst. I can't stand that rich family. And I think I enjoyed Jurassic World when it opened. But I re-watch it now and I don't think its very good. I felt that all that Spielberg magic and wonder had been stripped away. I couldn't stand watching dumb teenagers being bored with dinosaurs. And I thought the trailers for this movie did not look good at all. And I don't know what about A Monster Calls made anyone think that J.A. Bayona can direct a huge blockbuster like Jurassic World. That seems very out of character for Hollywood executives. And I'll be honest, the only reason that I am at all interested in ever seeing another Jurassic Park movie right now is after the set up for the third movie. But the fact that its now in Colin Trevorrow's hands again really doesn't give me any hope. So after this movie, I really don't care about this franchise anymore. There's a reason that Spielberg didn't direct every one of these like he did with Indiana Jones. How many different ways can you make dinosaurs eat people?

If I had to summarize my entire experience with this movie, I think I'd just say I was bored. And I bet most of you aren't expecting to be bored in a dinosaur movie. Here's the thing........I am an action snob. If all you need to have fun with a Jurassic Park movie is to see dinosaurs crashing into stuff and eating people, then you'll be satisfied. I personally want more than just random destruction to be entertained. I don't think there's really anything smart or creative with the action. It very often just felt like an adult trying to figure out how a kid would play with dinosaur toys and tried to make that a scene. And the Jaws rule has been completely thrown out the window! They don't try for a second to have any suspense as to when the T-Rex is gonna pop out. Or have any of the violence off-screen leaving it to our imagination. It seems they were making decisions only as if they were kids going "Wouldn't this be cool?!" but in a bad way. There were quite a few jump scares that I saw nobody in the theater show any reaction to. I was sitting right by the speakers. So everything was super loud in my ear and it still didn't make me jump. There's rarely any smart attempt at suspense. And it never really works. Come to think of it, I never once found myself tense or scared throughout the entire movie. That scene in the trailer when the raptor is hanging its hand over the little girl in the bed, I just found that stupid. Why would an animal like the Velociraptor not just immediately rip that girl to shreds? No raptor is gonna act like it's in a horror movie and go "I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. Muahahaha!" Dinosaurs aren't vampires!

And I thought the writing was really bad. And guess who wrote it.........Colin Trevorrow and his writing partner Derek Connolly. The whole first act is about as predictable as it gets. We get news channels telling us everything we need to know about whats going on. Then Claire meets a random character, that is connected to a character that we're familiar with. Once you see the movie you'll know what I'm talking about. It's just a random character that we've never seen or was ever mentioned of. And it's the dumbest attempt at sorta replacing a character that we love from the franchise by just saying "Oh we'll just make up this random character." And I just thought it was completely stupid and just weird. Anyway, Claire is told to go and find Chris Pratt to save the dinosaurs. And Chris Pratt is in the middle of nowhere and he's building a house and living the simple life. And like every movie ever he says "Nah. I just wanna sit here and play pool." and then one simple thing happens to convince him and he gets on the plane to the island. You saw the trailer and you knew that was coming. That's an example of how boring and cliche the structure of this movie is. And there's one character named Frank that tags along with them. And it's a pretty obvious and mostly failed attempt at the comic relief character. He's that character that screams all the time and cracks jokes and he occasionally helps out. Except it's not really funny and it's just annoying mostly. There's a reason that people like me aren't characters in movies like this. Yeah, if I were on an island with dinosaurs, I would react the same way. But the thing that I as an audience member don't want to see reflected is whining and screaming. And the dialogue for the entire movie is not good. There's so much dialogue that can just be summed up with "Blah....blah....blah...science.....science.....science....bigger dinosaurs" Especially the comedy. The only person who is able to make anything kinda work is SHOCKINGLY Chris Pratt. And of course, the whole movie is filled with nostalgic references. And oh my gosh.....the villain makes me want to fall asleep. How do you make an interesting villain? You make his only motivation is to make money. It's such a cliche mustache-twirling villain AGAIN.

Both Jurassic World movies have now failed at doing what the first Jurassic Park did. One - it made the park magical and fun at the start. Two - it then becomes a fantastic horror movie. The first movie failed miserably at being magical. And this movie fails at any attempt at good horror and suspense. Now it's just become a bad horror movie with stupid people and stupid jokes. And I think CGI dinosaurs don't help with that. These dinosaurs don't feel real or powerful anymore. You can tell when the actors are acting to nothing. And to talk about the acting - I love Chris Pratt always. I wish he were in better movies than this. I like Bryce Dallas Howard. I don't really care about seeing her in these movies. And there are a ton of really bad side actors. And a lot of this can be blamed on direction. I would say the same for Michael Giacchino's score. I love Michael Giacchino. But I blame the director for a lot of emotionally overplayed moments. There is one scene where I for the first time felt that an emotional moment was earned, and it was a bit soured by the overplayed score and the acting. Which by the way, there are MANY moments and story beats that are supposed to hit hard emotionally, and they give nearly no effort to earn it.

Blah....blah...blah....problems...problems....problems. Whatever. It's a Jurassic Park movie. I really tried to just be like "I don't care. Just turn your brain off and look at the dinosaurs." I really tried to. The way I went into this movie is how I go into DC movies. I rarely anticipate DC movies now. I don't spend any time ahead of the release thinking about it really. But when they're about to come out, it feels like looking forward to a movie that you rented. It's like "oh yeah! that might be a fun activity to fill the time." And I tried to have fun with it and just turn my brain off.....but I just found myself bored with it. There's enough dinosaur action to satisfy....but again, I'm a snob. This movie just has a bad writer and the studio's fingerprints all over it. And I'll be honest....this franchise is starting to knock on the Transformers door right about now. We're beginning to see that same kind of direction and creativity in this franchise. So I think a lot of people who just want to watch dinosaurs will enjoy this movie. As for me, I was not impressed. My grade for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a C-